It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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