I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
