There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
