i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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