he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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