1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
