what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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