We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
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There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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