I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
