I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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