i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
