some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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