Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
