dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
