Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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