The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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