Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two words: blizzard sex
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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