I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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