i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
