Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
