Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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