Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
