Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
