Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
