who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
