Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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