he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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