I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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