you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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