When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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