maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
