That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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