I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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