I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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