dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
