Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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