Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
