Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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