Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
