I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
