I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
