He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
