ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
