i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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