i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
