Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
honey bunches of taint.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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