I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I can't turn off my feet"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
