You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
