so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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