You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
