I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
