There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
