it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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