do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
