Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
