saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
