she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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