I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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