I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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