dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
