So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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