If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
