We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
