He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
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there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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