Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
