Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
