Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just gargled with NyQuil
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