Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
