I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
