apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
