Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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