my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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