Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
