Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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