Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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